hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
