Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
