im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you didnt know i had herpes?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
