is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
