it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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