I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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