and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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