i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
