i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
