Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
