just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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