Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
