hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
