she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
