I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
