He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
