from now on my penis is your penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
