I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
