I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
