Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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