When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
