the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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