I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
