I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
