I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
