shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
