C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
