There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
