I must be too annoying 4 u.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
