Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
