I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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