After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i out mim tonsoeep
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
