The maid of honor just puked.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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