Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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