Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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