the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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