I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I touched a dick in church today
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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