You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize