Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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