I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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