Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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