ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
