Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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