i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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