I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
