wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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