So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
