why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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