this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize