Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
