Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
