i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
