I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
