My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to calm my uterus...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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