So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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