I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
