Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
