you would pick up someone in the library
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
