thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
