I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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