youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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