I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He shit in the fireplace
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
