If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
birth control should be required to get into college
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
