Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize