well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
