I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
