My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
