I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
