you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
