a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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