end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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