i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
